Can you see it? It eats at your heart – one shred of tissue at a time. Continually pulling, gnawing, and tearing away the flesh. But “it” has become a familiar friend. One that occasionally goes into remission for periods, but then it comes ripping back into your world. The trigger of this killing machine is the ugly green beast called envy. It shows it’s hideous head as obsessing thoughts that revolve around someone… someone that you can’t seem to get off your mind. This someone has the blessed life – your life – the family, the job, the finances, the reputation, the status, the intelligence, the cool factor, or the carefree lifestyle that you know belongs to you. Of course, this atrocity isn’t recognized for what it is, because we would never be envious of “so and so.” Instead, we make up that there is something about this person that just gets under our skin, or to the opposite degree, we tell ourselves that we admire this individual for what elevates them above us.  The seething heart will tell us something quite different though: This blessing, that is rightly yours, has been withheld from you…

Jacob was the younger brother. He tried to be the older brother as he exited the womb after his twin, but he couldn’t pull his heel hard enough to slow him down. The older brother, Esau, continued to be the strong physical one growing up and always had his father’s attention. He was a man’s man and could bring home the bacon- or in this case- choice tasty game. Issac was growing older by the day and couldn’t see very well, but could count on his son, Esau, for a hearty meal. He told Esau to go on a hunt and bring him his favorite dish and then he would honor him by blessing him as the first born before his death. Rachael, had different plans to secure the coveted blessing for her favorite son, Jacob, who grew up staying in the tents with her. He was smart and good at being deceitful so he gave a thumbs up to his mother’s plans. He dressed up as his older brother and gave a winning performance to a dim sighted father who was told his name was Esau. Fast forward several years to two wives and eleven children later, and Jacob is about to face his greatest fear- his brother Esau. They have been separated all this time but now it will be the day of reckoning. Even though Jacob has received the blessing from his father, he still can’t fully live in the blessing. The night before he was to face Esau, he finds himself wrestling with God to receive the blessing. His hip is injured in the struggle but he refuses to let go of God for he wants to walk in the blessing. The question he has to answer before God will bless him is, “What is your name?” (Genesis 27; 32)

It’s overwhelming when we realize the emotions we have and what a mess they can cause. In the case of envy, it is only in this revelation that we can tell God, I don’t want what I want (what someone else has), but I want what you want. Because our flesh wants a certain life, a certain look, a certain destiny- and our flesh will drive us to make it happen. Envy is actually feeling like someone is living the life that is destined for you! Recognizing this emotion is key because through this awareness we can close the door that leads to despair and a sick heart. God will then be able to lead us through the door of real hope where He can pour His blessing out on us. He can open our eyes because they are not fixed on the life our flesh wants. It all starts by looking at what we are thinking. Are we trying to receive the blessing under someone else’s name?  When we are honest with God and come to Him as ourself it will open the door for His blessings- His life, His look, His destiny for us. Can you see it?